Because guyz make mistakes, too.
Mistake #3: Indie-vidualism by R.S.P.
Wait, don’t move. Before you say, “This is not me, no one is like me,” keep reading. If you still believe that you truly are indie-vidual, have a laugh at these conformists' expense. So hey, turn off your "Broken Social Scene" record and stick around while we go ahead and dissect an “Indie” guy.
The Indie hair. This open act of defiance is often outgrown, while still short enough to not be confused with the mullet. The fringe, length, and overall greasiness of the rebellious hairstyle suggests an attitude toward personal hygiene that is somewhat nonchalant. Each oily strand of hair has been perfectly placed in order to create a messy just-rolled-out-of-bed look. The problem: Women are judgmental. From the moment they lay eyes on you they will be mentally examining your appearance. No woman has ever run her hands through a Hobo’s hair. Do you know why? Because sweaty, oily hair is revolting. We love that you want to be au naturale and forgo the hair gel, but please don’t skip the shower.
The Indie V-Neck. This stylish comfortable t-shirt features a deeper plunged neck than a traditional V-Neck, and most often is worn with a fringed scarf (even during the summer). Chest hair peeking through the V-Neck is also common, as is a protruding clavicle. Generally these shirts fit snugly, but sometimes even an extra small is just too loose. You can purchase this Indie closet staple at any American Apparel store for a mere $66. (Indie guyz with a smaller budget may opt for an unwashed vintage 1978 Boston Marathon T-shirt from Deseret Industries.) The problem: When the plunging neckline of your shirt rivals J.Lo’s dress at the Oscars in 2000, it is too low. Chest hair only serves to create a comparison between you and our middle-aged, Italian second cousin. Not to mention, a clavicle that sticks out farther than Mary-Kate’s is unacceptable. Eat something. The simplistic look that you’re attempting can be hot, just raise the neckline and ditch the scarf.
The Indie Pants. The word tight would be a severe understatement. If an Indie guy can fit two fingers in between the waistband of his pants and his stomach, he drops a size. Lucky for him, he looks like a holocaust victim so he doesn’t have to worry about any junk in the trunk. These pants come in a variety of colors, but white is the most popular as of late. The problem: If, while riding your oh-so-retro 1970s beach cruiser, we become confused as to your gender we might accidentally greet you with a, “Hey girl, what’s up?” If you are wearing a girl scarf, riding a girl bike, and wearing size 4 girl pants better than any girl ever could, we will think you are a girl. And Mormon girls, don’t date other Mormon girls.
The Indie Shoes. You know those white lace-up Vans that look authentic, but are about as vintage as that Beatles t-shirt you bought from Nordstrom? That’s what Indie guyz wear. After they’ve thrown them in the dirt and washed them a few times of course. Problem: We know they’re not vintage. Don’t pretend they were your Dad’s back in the 70s. No one keeps shoes for thirty years so that they can pass them on to their kids. Plus, we know that you don’t participate in any physical activity whatsoever, so don’t smudge dirt on them, and pretend that they have holes because they are worn out. We know you bought them last week. Mix it up, everyone wears Vans.
You may still be wondering, “What’s so wrong with this ‘Indie’ guy?” Do remember when you were in middle school and you would call anyone that generally wore GAP, but decided to switch it up and wear a pair of Dickies, a poser? Well, those were the glory days when you could smell a fake from a mile away. That’s what an “Indie” guy is. A poser. Every part of his look is calculated to make you think that he’s original, and that he doesn’t care. A girl may think, “Oh what a breath of fresh air this ‘Indie’ guy is!” Don’t be fooled! He’s just jumped onto the bandwagon and, is about as real as that Gucci handbag she bought on Canal Street. Conversation skills are what makes a guy different. Personality is what makes someone unique. The wrong sized clothes and unkempt hair make you a dateless Hobo.