Because guyz make mistakes, too.

3/18/09

Mistake #3: Indie-vidualism by R.S.P.


Wait, don’t move. Before you say, “This is not me, no one is like me,” keep reading. If you still believe that you truly are indie-vidual, have a laugh at these conformists' expense. So hey, turn off your "Broken Social Scene" record and stick around while we go ahead and dissect an “Indie” guy.

The Indie hair. This open act of defiance is often outgrown, while still short enough to not be confused with the mullet. The fringe, length, and overall greasiness of the rebellious hairstyle suggests an attitude toward personal hygiene that is somewhat nonchalant. Each oily strand of hair has been perfectly placed in order to create a messy just-rolled-out-of-bed look. The problem: Women are judgmental. From the moment they lay eyes on you they will be mentally examining your appearance. No woman has ever run her hands through a Hobo’s hair. Do you know why? Because sweaty, oily hair is revolting. We love that you want to be au naturale and forgo the hair gel, but please don’t skip the shower.

The Indie V-Neck. This stylish comfortable t-shirt features a deeper plunged neck than a traditional V-Neck, and most often is worn with a fringed scarf (even during the summer). Chest hair peeking through the V-Neck is also common, as is a protruding clavicle. Generally these shirts fit snugly, but sometimes even an extra small is just too loose. You can purchase this Indie closet staple at any American Apparel store for a mere $66. (Indie guyz with a smaller budget may opt for an unwashed vintage 1978 Boston Marathon T-shirt from Deseret Industries.) The problem: When the plunging neckline of your shirt rivals J.Lo’s dress at the Oscars in 2000, it is too low. Chest hair only serves to create a comparison between you and our middle-aged, Italian second cousin. Not to mention, a clavicle that sticks out farther than Mary-Kate’s is unacceptable. Eat something. The simplistic look that you’re attempting can be hot, just raise the neckline and ditch the scarf.

The Indie Pants. The word tight would be a severe understatement. If an Indie guy can fit two fingers in between the waistband of his pants and his stomach, he drops a size. Lucky for him, he looks like a holocaust victim so he doesn’t have to worry about any junk in the trunk. These pants come in a variety of colors, but white is the most popular as of late. The problem: If, while riding your oh-so-retro 1970s beach cruiser, we become confused as to your gender we might accidentally greet you with a, “Hey girl, what’s up?” If you are wearing a girl scarf, riding a girl bike, and wearing size 4 girl pants better than any girl ever could, we will think you are a girl. And Mormon girls, don’t date other Mormon girls.

The Indie Shoes. You know those white lace-up Vans that look authentic, but are about as vintage as that Beatles t-shirt you bought from Nordstrom? That’s what Indie guyz wear. After they’ve thrown them in the dirt and washed them a few times of course. Problem: We know they’re not vintage. Don’t pretend they were your Dad’s back in the 70s. No one keeps shoes for thirty years so that they can pass them on to their kids. Plus, we know that you don’t participate in any physical activity whatsoever, so don’t smudge dirt on them, and pretend that they have holes because they are worn out. We know you bought them last week. Mix it up, everyone wears Vans.

You may still be wondering, “What’s so wrong with this ‘Indie’ guy?” Do remember when you were in middle school and you would call anyone that generally wore GAP, but decided to switch it up and wear a pair of Dickies, a poser? Well, those were the glory days when you could smell a fake from a mile away. That’s what an “Indie” guy is. A poser. Every part of his look is calculated to make you think that he’s original, and that he doesn’t care. A girl may think, “Oh what a breath of fresh air this ‘Indie’ guy is!” Don’t be fooled! He’s just jumped onto the bandwagon and, is about as real as that Gucci handbag she bought on Canal Street. Conversation skills are what makes a guy different. Personality is what makes someone unique. The wrong sized clothes and unkempt hair make you a dateless Hobo.

63 comments:

  1. you girls are geniuses. THANK YOU for striking back with this blog. and unlike your male counterpart, this blog IS funny and dead on. keep it up!

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  2. i kinda think more mormon guys stay single because they don't know how to dress/dress from the 90s. outside of the provo bubble it seems in general mormon guys go for the overly preppy look or the i-wear-nike-running-shoes-with-jeans look. but i'm not disagreeing with alot of guys pulling the contrived indie look.

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  3. not too mention, that look is gay-er than anything you'll find in the castro...there is nothing less appealing than a guy who looks like a greasy leaf waiting to be blown away by the slightest breeze.

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  4. you Provo girls are lame. You need to step out of your little Utah County and see the real world. This blog is pathetic. You need to leave the blogging to those who can actually write.

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  5. Since when is blogging for those who can actually write? And I'm betting that those "Provo" girls you're referring to haven't spent their whole lives in Utah County. You, Aubrey Messick, are pathetic. And I highly doubt that you've experienced the real world.

    But yeah, Indie guys are queers.

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  6. I can't say that I have a problem with Indie guys...but being from Seattle, it's just what I'm used to.

    I have to say, I love this blog though. I think it's worlds better than its counterpart targeting us ladies, run by couple of chauvinists.

    Can’t wait to read more! :D

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  7. as a fan of both blogs (yeah, i think the other "chauvinist" is hilarious! maybe it's because I'm a guy and think everything he writes is on the money though...) I'm so happy to know that I'm not the only person out their who can't stand "indie" people. everytime I see one of these douche bags I want to slap the greasy mostache off his face! same for the faux-hawk wearing numbskulls. The mohawk was a statement of anti-conformity! if you're gonna have a hawk, grow some balls and make it real! no more of this I-need-to-keep-a-haircut-that-I-can-make-look-normal-for-when-mommy-comes-around crap!

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  8. I actually really enjoy this blog, it makes me laugh! Keep it up!!

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  9. This post is perfect!
    I have always loved the Indie guy from afar, but on closer inspection, I realized that being indie is ALL CONSUMING for him! It's like nothing else can fit into his life- all of his time must be spent on being as Indie as possible. There are other things in life Indie guy, really there are.

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  10. LoriAnn, you're kind of annoying.

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  11. i thought she was funny. i think you all are funny for being offended by eachother.

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  12. Really? This is your mistake #3.

    The well of creativity on this blog doesn't have the depth to make it to Mistake #5.

    Yawn.

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  13. I advise not reading my memoirs then, miss anonymous blogger. I at least have the gall to face my accuser instead of leaving anonymous hate mail. I bet you had kids write nasty things on your locker so this is your only form of confrontation. Not that I recommend contention, but I do advise alternative methods of coping if you are to move beyond the facebook relationship status boyfriend. Marriage is the end of the dating game, but the start of a whole new kind of problems.

    I was not trying to be offensive, I was simply illustrating a point that if you are going to publicize a trivial but controversial opinion, you should understand the counter point. You after all, are rebutting someone else's opinion and have found yourself in hypocrisy, and quite frankly an immature point of view. So far you have judged people for facial hair and the way they dress, nor do you have an intention of listening to what they have to say. No one is forcing you to date those people, I bet they thank god for that.

    One more thing, you have to choose to be irritated, or in other words, annoyed.

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  14. I have a great idea for a post.
    Mistake: guys who don't wear white shirts to church, forsaking the sacrament is a mockery to the ordinance.

    or

    calloused hands the violator of romantic walks!!

    write about something legit woman!

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  15. show me the doctrine that says that my priesthood is ineffectual based on the color of my shirt at church, and I'll never wear anything but a white shirt again. until then, me having a blue shirt on in no way, shape, or form is me making a mockery of the Sacrament. And don't try and say something about my spirituality for feeling this way, because I've been an EQ counselor 3 times, a president once, and this Friday I have an interview with the temple presidency to be a temple worker. Get over the shirt color.

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  16. I think he/she was being sarcastic.

    IF white were a part of the actual ordinance, women would have to wear it too.... yes I know women don't bless the sacrament, but, women don't baptize or seal either and white is still donned by the receiver of the covenant.

    And good rough hands mean something, obviously those things don't mean the same to you. I love a good rough hand if it is from hard labor spent building, fixing, creating, or even just loving the great outdoors. No pansies here please.

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  17. YAWN!!!!

    I woke up married today, good thing no one posted more otherwise my wife might have changed her mind.One day you might wake up wishing you hadn't been such a douche and realized settling isn't as bad as it sounds.

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  18. i hope your wife never hears you say you settled for her...

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  19. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  20. Indie guys aren't trying to impress bitchy mormon bloggers.

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  21. Any fashion scene fits this really. I'm glad i read it as a 19 y.o guy who was starting to look a little to indie. better stay away from malls for a while before i end up with a v-neck

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  22. yo yoooooooooo
    im into indie sheedadizzle but also music from the late 60s and 70s, and also the punk movement in britain and in LA, but also really awesome indie bands. so dude. just that you know, i am awesome!

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  23. You criticize someone adapting a style that you claim is unoriginal (which it is, for the most part, unoriginal). You know what else is unoriginal? Blogs started by Mormon girls about guys and dating and how guys are retarded.

    Conformity is natural and generally acceptable when you're the one conforming, right? Just sayin'.

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  24. Constant dripping wears away the stone. 滴水穿石!加油!..................................................

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  25. I want to be an indie guy for the mere fact that people would take this much time out of their life to write about you on the internet. Greasy hair for hours of blogging. I'm in.

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  26. 任何你憂慮的事,你都應該去採取一點行動,不要只是在那邊想..............................

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  27. 一個人的價值,應該看他貢獻了什麼,而不是他取得了什麼.................................................................                           

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  28. 變天了~~注意身體,別感冒囉!.................................................................                           

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  29. 向著星球長驅直進的人,反比踟躕在峽路上的人,更容易達到目的。............................................................

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  30. 真正仁慈的人,會忘記他們做過的善行,他們全心投入現在的工作,過去的事已被遺忘。..................................................

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  31. 好的開始並不代表會成功,壞的開始並不代表是失敗..................................................

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  32. 生存乃是不斷地在內心與靈魂交戰;寫作是坐著審判自己。. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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